The Distel Finks put the Hex Offenders away...84-55!!!
On Saturday, November 10th, 2007, the Dutchland Derby Rollers held their first Championship bout as the culmination of their inaugural season! The Distel Finks faced off against the Hex Offenders. The Hexes were overpowered by the Finks in Dutchland's season opener, SLAMROCK, back in March with a score of 113-95. With both teams experiencing much change over the season, they took the floor with some new faces and some borrowed Barn Razors who were more than happy to help out their sister teams.
Period One began with Fink jammer, Twisted Scizzors, up against, the Hex's Torque Wench. Scizzors put up 5 points to Torque's 4. Jam two saw Fink co-captain, Spawna Skatin' grab 8 points, while Hex jammer, Rum N. Choke took 5. In jam three, Scizzors returned to put up 4 points to Lucy Van Belt of the Hexes. Spawna jumped back in, catching lead jammer, shutting out Torque Wench, and earning 2 points. Scizzors took her turn again and for the first time in the game, the Hex Offenders were able to win a jam with Rum N. Choke earning 3 points to Scizzors' 1. Jams six and seven would see the Finks get shut out with Hex jammers, White Thrash and Lucy Van Belt both putting up 3 points each. Unhappy with how things were going, Scizzors came back with a 6-2 jam over Torque. Lucy Van Belt made lead jammer and picked up 4 points to Spawna's 2. In jam eleven, Rum N. Choke shut out Scizzors, 4-0 and put the Hex Offenders in the lead for the first time in the game. Scizzors came back in to deliver a 4-3 jam over Torque Wench to which Choke jumped back in, earning 3-2 over Spawna Skatin'. Lucy Van Belt rocked into jam thirteen, doubling Scizzors' score with 6-3. The Hex Offenders jammed team newcomer, Harley Harlot, who was unable to answer any points to Fink, Rachel Slur's 1. Torque Wench got up on the line against Spawna Skatin' for jam fifteen, however, the period ended before a scoring pass could occur. Period one ended with the Hex Offenders showing a slight lead over the Distel Finks with a score of 43-38.
The Hex Offenders returned the track for period two, confident that they could hold onto their lead, however the Distel Finks had something else in mind. The period began with Scizzors throwing down a 4-0 jam over Torque Wench. Jam two had Lucy Van Belt grab lead jammer status and score one point for the Hex Offenders while shutting out Spawna Skatin'. This would be the last jam where the Hexes would lead for along while. Neither Scizzors or Torque were able to put up any points in jam three. Jam four saw the Finks step it up and begin a series of jams where the Hexes would not have a chance. Spawna skated 5-0 on Rum N. Choke, then Scizzors put 2-0 to White Thrash. Coming back in even stronger, Spawna played a beautiful jam scoring 7 points to Lucy Van belt's 3. Rachel Slur would keep earning for the Finks, getting lead status and skating a 3-0 jam over Torque in jam six. Spawna scored 2 points over a scoreless Choke in jam seven and then returned to the track for jam nine to show Van Belt the same courtesy with 4-0. Scizzors continued the damage by shutting out Choke again with 3 points for herself. Spawna really seemed to enjoy her next 3 points which signified the 5th jam in a row where the Hexes were scoreless. Lucy Van Belt stormed the track for the Hexes in jam twelve and scored 5-0 over Scizzors, giving a gleam of hope to her squad. It wouldn't last long as Spawna put up a point to a shut out Choke once again. Torque and Slur both found themselves scoreless in the fourteenth jam. White Thrash swooped in for the Hexes and scored 3-1 over Spawna in jam fifteen. Not to be outdone, Scizzors stepped up against Rum N. Choke (tying her teammate, Spawna Skatin' for the highest scoring jam of the night), shutting Choke out with 8-0. Spawna came back in jam seventeen to throw up 2 more points, while Lucy Van Belt was unable to score. Torque and Scizzors lined up for jam eighteen, which would end up being the final jam of the game, ending before a scoring pass could occur. The Finks took to the rink as our League Champions with a score of 84-55!!!
The Distel Fink's defense virtually congested the Hex Offender jammers during the second period. Key blocking was provided by Laverne N.Surly, Marie Antoithreat (team newcomer), Mary that Motha OH GOD (back in her first bout since being injured at SLAMROCK), Perkalicious (also a team newcomer), and team captain, Rachel Slur. The Finks were also lucky to have blockers, Hillbilly Hellcat, Bunny McBones, and Cherry Crush, on loan from the Barn Razors.
The close game and slight lead during period one was no doubt a result of the Hex Offender's blocking squad comprised of Belle Fast Bomber, Fujiyama Mama (Team Captain) , Harley Harlot, Stompin' Lizzy Stanton, White Thrash, and Treasure Chest (Co-Captain). Jammers, Lucy Van Belt and Torque Wench were also on loan from the Razors.
The Fink jammers did a phenomenal job with Twisted Scizzors earning the Dutchland Derby Boys' MVP award for topping out the night's jams earning an average of 3.08 points per jam with teammate, Spawna Skatin' not far behind with 2.86 points per jam. Lucy Van Belt led the Hex Offenders' jam squad with 2.78 points per jam. Rachel Slur of the Finks proved her jamming abilities by earning the status of lead jammer exactly 50% the times she stepped to the jammer line.
Even the naughty skaters need our love! White Thrash led the Hex Offender's with 10 minor penalties and Mary That Motha OH GOD topped her Finks, obtaining 12 minors. Hillbilly Hellcat earned the only major of the game. Much love to our refs who tried to keep us in line and sent us to the box when we didn't! Adam Baum made his debut as head ref while G.O.D, Eva Flux, Voo Dude, and Ref Neck (on loan for the DC Rollergirls!) watched the pack. Fatal Plus and Tasty Claire kept the points! Skater tot, Bunny, worked with league staff, Mathemagician, and former ref, Vera Strange, to track stats. Thanks to everyone who held a stopwatch, a microphone, sold a raffle ticket, dug for merch! We could not have done it without you!!! Most of all, thanks to our fans!!!
What an awesome end to a great season!!! Oh wait…it's not the end! Dutchland's All-Stars will travel to DC next Saturday, November 17th to face the DC Rollergirls' travel team, The Commanders in Briefs. Check out www.dcrollergirls.com for more information! Stay tuned for Dutchland 2008 season bout dates! They are coming soon!!!
